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i'm a 25 year old california girl who, like most of us, is perpetually in transition.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

success and failure [31]

so, i fucked up.

not in calorie consumption, but in stupidity. when i got home from work, i decided it was time for a walk, so i went as fast as i could go for an hour. i felt like death when i got home and i STUPIDLY chugged a massive amount of diet arizona green tea. i proceeded to feel like i was going to throw up for the remainder of the evening.

i was so jittery and felt like i was going to fall over so i tried to eat, i made myself a slice of low cal bread [45] with some hummus on it [40]. i tried REALLY hard to eat it, but only managed a little bit of the crust where there wasn't really any hummus.

[more feeling like i was going to die]

then i forced down a thin slice of reduced fat cheese [50] and i still felt awful, like to the point that i was almost crying when i couldn't find my slip after my shower. it was ridiculous. i left the bedroom a mess because i couldn't manage to clean up after myself. [i'm an organizational freak so this is very bizarre behavior for me]

[cut to this morning]

i still feel gross, to the point that i'm afraid to eat, which is mostly fine since no one's around to watch me eat breakfast 95% of the time. i've decided it's more important i feel well enough to party this weekend, that be 259.9. don't get me wrong, i'm not going to start consuming my supposed daily allotted 2,000 calories, i think i'm just going to eat closer to 600 or 700, not sure yet.

i brought hang over type food for lunch. [some fruit(57) and rice(400) i also brought some of that reduced fat cheese(50 per slice) but that's only if i can't manage to eat the rice] i'm fine with it if i eat all of it, but i doubt i will.

when i come back from so-cal i think i'm going to have to re-evaluate my diet plan. as disappointed as rachel may be in me, i think at my weight i can't afford to kill myself like that.

i feel like a failure.

i'm sorry.

day 31

weigh in: 266.5

breakfast:
cherrios 110

lunch:
cantaloupe 45
corn 60

dinner:
a small corner of bread with the tiny-est bit of hummus maaaaybe 10 cals
slice of cheese 50

total calories consumed: no more than 275

day 32

weigh in: 264.8

hope you guys are doing better than me.

p.s. thank you to all my new followers, and a special thank you to pretty wreck, it means the world to me.

2 comments:

  1. Just be careful :) I'm sorry you feel bad.

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  2. Yup, PrettyWreck is A-Fuckiing-MAYZING! I'm practicing my southern drawl JUST for her XD

    Aww man, I hope you feel better soon Robin. Peppermint tea, apricots and ginger are the sure-fire stomach settlers I learned from my preggo mates.

    *Hugs*

    ReplyDelete