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i'm a 25 year old california girl who, like most of us, is perpetually in transition.

Friday, July 2, 2010

apparently mental duress is a great diet plan [41]

i ate so much, and the most random shit and i still went down... i don't get it. i kind of threw in the towel for the day so i didn't mark down what i was eating..ill attempt to give u the gist now.

day 41

weigh in: 266.5

pasta 400?
cherrios 200
hummus sandwiches 280?
bread with i can't believe its not butter spray 250?

i was just hungry, so i ate. there wasn't anything interesting at home besides the ex's cheese covered fried shit so i just had bread...dunno i guess my body ither lives off mental duress or it needs higher calorie contents to not go into starvation mode. dunno. might re-instate the 1200 plan..omg healthy calorie contents...what a tragedy...

whatever, no real plans yet..

day 42

weigh in: 263.7

woot! :) i can almost taste the 250's...and boy do they taste better than anything i could put in my mouth.

thankfully i'm going to have to do a shit ton of cleaning and re-organizing when the ex gets his shit out. i still feel guilty about him, but part of me is like..fuck him.

he called me last night and basically begged me to take him back.

i told him i wanted to be young and stupid and date lots of boys and fuck lots of boys....
now if only i can get over the fact that i'm fat and actually let someone see me naked.....
we'll save that for another day...

i did actually start talking to boys last night.

i flirted with two really cute boys that i met off craigslist..i know i've met the sketchiest guys on there before, but we're in the screening process where they don't even know what i look like yet, so it's mostly harmless.

i think i just need to get out there and experience life before i'm an old hag that no one wants.

sometimes i get so angry with myself because i think: why did i allow myself to be fat during the "best years of my life"? i coulda done so much more if i hadn't been hating myself...

sigh, i'm still young..and i tend to prefer older men i think it'll be fine.

wish me luck lovelies.
you guys are epically wonderful. i love you all. thank you so much for standing behind me. it's a load to bare ;) but i'm glad to have someone in the trenches with me. love!
ps: if i haven't commented on ur blog yet, it's because i can only really use the net on my work computer right now. i'm going to be getting a mac book pro soon but, i'm trying to decide which one i want. i'm also of the opinion u shouldn't comment on someone's life unless u know all the gritty details so i don't believe in commenting before i've read the entirety of ur it's going to take me awhile. i'm sorry lovies, i am reading i swear!


  1. You totally deserve to get out there and have some fun. :]

  2. Keep up the good work! You're going great!