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i'm a 25 year old california girl who, like most of us, is perpetually in transition.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

mind-fuck movies and a boy i can't have [68]

day 68

weigh in: 256.2

cheese and broccoli 450

day 69

weigh in: 254.6

trying to do another round of what i did yesterday.
so far, so good.

i may even fast tomorrow now that i have the day off.. but me and fasts don't usually work out.

its better to restrict well than to fast poorly.. right?
more flirting with boys that are not of interest. even the ridiculously hot ones are just kind of.. blah. there is even one that's educated.. maybe there's promise there.. if he'd say something interesting... education really means nothing huh?

the friend i had a drink with after ted? ...and am not aloud to have a crush on...but am failing a little.... [i should really give him a name since i talk to him... every day... and have for awhile now, but i can't think of an appropriate one.. lets go with will?]

so, will! yes! will... he doesn't have a college education, but he has a really high paying job, even a house, that he doesn't live in. not to mention he's the most intelligent, funny, snarky guy i've met in a very long time... he could run circles around half the people i went to college with. clearly, a college education means [next to] nothing.

anyhow, while we were having drinks we talked about mind-fuck movies, because it's something we both enjoy. [we don't have a whole lot in common, which is why he's not into me.. aside from the fact i'm a fat cow! ..not that he'd say that.. i hope]

anyhow, mind-fuck movies. i like them a lot but i haven't see that many of them.

he recommends like 80 thousand movies for me to see. last night i rented the top two.

the first was "following" which was both beautiful and interesting, but very simple and easy to understand and [forgive the pun] follow.

the second, "primer" however... i'm still mind-fucked a little, or realistically, a lot.

he wasn't kidding when he said i'd have to watch it 3 times before i began to understand it. i'm planning to watch it again tonight... possibly even take notes.. i'm a dork i know.

in any event all throughout primer, i was texting him asking questions... and afterward he asked me to call him.. graaaahhh i shouldn't talk to him on the phone if i'm trying NOT to form a crush on him.. but how can u refuse when a smart sexy guy asks you to call? tehe

i'm convinced i'm actually not as into him, as i think i am. [i get that line made no sense, let me explain]

i think i'm just crushing on him because hes really attractive and he's exactly my kind of intelligent snark.

while talking to rachel via text last night, i came to the conclusion that.. yeah i wanna kiss him.. fuck his brains out and all those fun things.. but i have little to no desire to date the guy. i mean if he asked me out, i'd say yes cause he's really cool... but honestly, i'd much rather have him as a friend long term, than a few dates and then nothing.

plus he knows me too well, and is amused by my overly horniness.

for example, i asked him the other day:

you know what depresses the fuck out of me?

will: dead puppies?
robin: no
will: sick puppies?
robin: no
will: dead batteries?

at that point i died of laughter.

i was going to say that:
the fact that i don't even put my dildo away anymore after i wash it depresses the hell out of me. it's just sitting by the bed, waiting for use.

someone who can crack a joke like that, needs to be kept around. even if i have to keep my mitts off him.

side note: does anyone else feel REALLY DIRTY when they wash their sex toys? this is a thought i've had before, but last night while washing my purple friend with warm soapy water.. i felt like i was giving a hand job.. it was so dirty.. i loved it. tehe

okay, enough already...
m: you are too sweet to me, i am terrible sometimes. there are days where everything in the apartment finds it's way into my mouth, even if it doesn't look tasty. it happens to the best of us. just a matter of stopping yourself sooner than later. one bad day doesn't change everything, unless you let it.

liz: thank you lovie. don't worry about ted, i haven't even texted him since the event. i've been removing myself a lot from the sexual things he says to me. he invited me to watch him go train [it's a Ds thing] two women yesterday. i declined hard core. i think he's getting the message that i want him to be my mentor, not my lover. don't worry, darling!

be kind for everyone you know is fighting a battle: yeah.. i know that inevitably every guy i approach is doomed at this point. i hate to admit it, but i know it to be true... it's just my needs are so intense it's hard to not look, you know?

peridot: yay for whiskey! tehe ..yeah i know about guys being sleazy.. especially at bars.
yay.. story time:

once while bar hopping with a friend, her sister, and her sister's gf... we went into a place, that carded us a the door.

for the record, when i go drinking or clubbing i try not to bring a purse because it's irritating so most of my things, including my id end up in my bra.

so, i fish my id out from my cleavage and hand it to the guy. in the sleaziest possible manner, he asks if he can put it back for me. i smile uncomfortably and decline the offer.

since the place was kind of lame we left after one drink. my friend had a slice of orange on her drink and i heart drink garnishes and asked if i could have it, since she was leaving it. she doesn't care so i stay an additional 10 seconds or so, while the remainder of the group walked out.

as i was heading for the exit, the same sleazy door man literally steps in front of the door blocking my way out and says to me: no, stay, your friends are still here.

seriously? that was supposed to work?

yeah that's my sleaziest guy at a bar story, but i think it's twice as gross since the guy was paid to be there, shouldn't he have been professional???


1 comment:

  1. awww how cute :]


    will have to watch those two!!

    Love ya girly :]
    Have an awesome night!