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i'm a 25 year old california girl who, like most of us, is perpetually in transition.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

more men u say? bring em on [60]

well yesterday seems to have undone the day before. which is good, i suppose.

day 60

weigh in: 258.8

pb&j 300
cherrios 180
blueberries 70
kielbasa 315
cheese&bread 185

day 61

weigh in: 258.2

i brought the last of the cheese and bread for breakfast [230] and cherrios [aprox 110] and a crap ton of blueberries [aprox 100] for lunch.

i've decided to attempt to implement a new diet plan for the remainder of the week.

basically it comes down to negative calories, as much as i want. [within reason i mean..not a whole fucking watermelon for breakfast]

i will be allowed a small portion of protein with lunch so it doesn't look weird at work. also possibly looking into the broccoli and cheese trays liz keeps mentioning..they look yum, but again only at lunch.

only non-negative calories will be counted, but i must stay under 200 cals a day.

[this plan is void on the weekend when i'm around my mom all day..cause that's begging for trouble but i'll still try to be good]

i know it's super unrealistic, but it is my wish to be 250 by the weekend. i really want to wear my size 20 jeans. [i can currently get in them and zip them up and everything but they're soo unflattering muffin top and all]

i think i can keep to this, its only 2 days...maybe i can put off seeing my mom this weekend, i need more time, 2 days is not enough to loose 8 lbs... who knows, wish me luck.
alright, it's time for our daily allotted boy talk.. yay!!
[perhaps it's man talk today?]

anyhow, i received a whole new set of boys to play with, but became bored with most of them in the few hours i was at work.

the carpenter remains in the running, [more details later] and there is an older lecherous gentleman i'm thinking about...when i say older i mean more than twice my age.

i'm not really sure how i feel about him, i spent a good deal of the day flirting wit him, but i am a little skeeved out that he is 55. [which i didn't know until hours later, though i figured he was in at least his 40's based on his career] dunno, there is the "daddy" factor which is creepy, but he would be skilled..which would be a nice improvement. i talked to him on the phone for an hour as he drove home, it ended with my uncomfortable giggles as he asked for lurid pictures of me...should i give this guy a chance? dunno yet. [probably not, since i like the carpenter! tehe]

during the 55 year old's phone call i received an e-mail from the carpenter, i wrote back immediately hoping to keep his attention, as he usually sends me an email every couple of hours. he didn't respond, so i waited till i got off the phone with the 55 year old to send him a longer one explaining all the questions he had asked me.

not much later i received a phone call, who was it you ask? the carpenter!
[i love that an exclamation point usually follows his title...i think its funny]

we talked for 3 and a half hours.

we had the oddest conversation dynamic [for me]... little to no overt flirting. i'm so used to guys making totally obvious attempts at my pants, i wasn't really sure what to do with it.

he's sweet, and charming, and very odd, all things i love in a man.. he even seems to like me..but still.. no blatant attempt to fuck my brains out??

i'm disappointed and thrilled at the same time.

he told me in an email ages ago, when i complimented him on not telling me a perverse secret, that he believes in getting to know someone before he tries to throw his "junk" at them. perhaps this is what's going on. i mean, we talked about sex, and relationships and things like that, and he did a double take and sounded much too excited when i off-handedly mentioned i was naked. [he called me as i was preparing for a shower..though i do spend much of my time naked at home. why not, right?] maybe i'm just reading too much into this, i guess time will tell, perhaps i'll get another call from him tonight.

he's most of the reason why i want to be a size 20 by the weekend, hes so skinny..could he have missed the "bbw" comment in my posting? i must be skinnnnnnyyyyy [not that a size 20 is skinny..but it's an improvement]

lol, well i suppose it's back to the grind of entertaining lots of random men. i just received a text from one of the guys from yesterday, not even worthy of a title yet, and an email from the 55 year old. so many men to juggle, so little time.... tehe
yay for those of you who shared a secret, you are my favorites.

the rest of you....clearly don't love me enough...*over dramatic sniffle*

: i understand ur sentiment..somewhat. as you may know, the ex was into "big girls". i was so afraid for the longest time that being "normal" would make him not want me anymore, but i decided for myself that i love me more than him and i want to do what will make me feel good.

don't worry about being "too skinny" in terms of attractiveness, there is a fetish for everything, my dear. i swear to you, there's even a rule for it. rule 34 :D
page: i kind of understand where ur coming from too. when i was younger, while i was first dating boys, i didn't really know what to do with chivalry. i insisted on buying my own ticket at movies, and my bf and i would run at doors to see who could open one up first...

i've come to the conclusion that if a guy wants to buy me dinner, let him. if he wants to open my door, smile sweetly and say thank you. i fear it's all a balancing act when it comes to someone new, u kind of have to play the game of walking slightly behind him so if he wants to open a door he has the opportunity, or letting him go first in line at the theatres to see if he buys 1 or 2 tickets. guys are confusing, and every one's different... but to be fair, we confuse the fuck outta them too. tehe

1 comment:

  1. Yay weight loss! Good job :) The broccoli and cheese trays are completely delicious and low calorie, so definitely go for it! They're in the frozen veggie section.

    I'm sorry I didn't share a secret... sometimes I read your posts too fast and miss stuff :)
    SO here it is: I have been really nauseated recently, plus really sensitive to smells, and my boobs have been tender. This morning in the shower, I thought oh shit, am I pregnant? I went and bought a pregnancy test, and I'm not, thank god.

    So that's my secret! I haven't told anyone but you, although I might blog about it later :)