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i'm a 25 year old california girl who, like most of us, is perpetually in transition.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

weekend of fail [42-45]

day 42

weigh in: 263.7

cherrios 200
chicken noodle soup 150
candy 249
cheese 280
crackers 300
kielbasa 225

and this was actually not a stressful

day 43

weigh in: 265.4

i've been so out of control with the break up and having gone to so cal, so i decided id get the binge-e-ness out of my system and start a new. i had some mongolian bbq, sushi, cheese and was ok i guess but def not the best. i spent most of the day missing the ex..sigh....

day 44

weigh in: 267.0

i attempted to do a liquid fast, i got some light chocolate soy milk and orange and mango juice.

i stupidly told the ex i'd hang with him.

it was awful, he made me feel guilty the whole time i was with him.

when i was out i had to pick something up at a gas station to consume. [reduced fat chocolate milk, had bout half] even though i was liquid fasting it felt like i was doing more damage with liquid calories than i would with solid..i dunno. i mentioned to rachel i really wanted crackers and she said to go ahead because we were going to do another liquid fast together the next day. so i went ahead..oie.

day 45

weigh in: 267.0

so, day two of my attempted liquid fast, i had about 150 cals in soy milk before i went out.

i drove up to the city. just being there made me realize my first step as a single girl needs to be moving back. the city is my home...i need to go back.

i went to the beach and just walked around looking for sea glass, something rachel said she wanted. after about an hour i started to feel very very ill, like to the point that i felt like i was going to collapse and or puke...which is always fun.

i met up with a friend, which made it kind of hard to cover so i had some chinese...that stuff, seriously just looking at it makes me gain 5 lbs...whatever. i had about 1/2-2/3rds a small container of fried rice and a scoop or about 1/4 of a small container of mushroom chicken.

we later went to a movie where she forced some weird licorice on me..whatever i didn't eat anything else for the day and felt like such a failure, even though rachel said i was being silly..i dunno.

the ex called me wanting to spend the night at my place. i SO didn't want to deal with him, so, after much guilting he eventually got off the phone.

he also had the audacity to leave a rose for me at my apartment when i got home. it made me feel really bad. i later find out he was scamming on girls that night and tried to get laid but had "no play" i supposed to feel sympathy for this? why the hell are u telling me this if u spend 95% of our time together making me feel like ass or begging me to take you back? wtf?

i threw the rose out.

he is only making me stronger.

day 46

weigh in: 267.0

3 days straight, weird huh? i thought my scale was broken so i got some weights and stood on the scale with them and my weight went up. i also got back on without them and was still 267.0 anyone else think that's weird?

i officially have three goals in life for the time being:

1. not loose my shit and go back to him
2. move to the city
3. get down below 250 [it was the weight i was when we got together and i need the emotional purge of the loss of the added weight]

i WILL do this. my hope is in two months these will be realities. wish me luck.

oh and btw, non ex boys are stupid too. whatever, fuck em.


  1. YOU CAN DO IT! Don't worry about the weekend, you'll get back on track! WE CAN DO THIS!!!!

  2. *Laughs self silly at your Ex* LOOOOOOOOOO-SEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR!!! God he's a dumbass! I'm so glad you cut yourself free of him! :D