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i'm a 25 year old california girl who, like most of us, is perpetually in transition.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

weekend of fail [42-45]

day 42

weigh in: 263.7

cherrios 200
chicken noodle soup 150
candy 249
cheese 280
crackers 300
kielbasa 225

and this was actually not a stressful day...lol

day 43

weigh in: 265.4

i've been so out of control with the break up and having gone to so cal, so i decided id get the binge-e-ness out of my system and start a new. i had some mongolian bbq, sushi, cheese and crackers...it was ok i guess but def not the best. i spent most of the day missing the ex..sigh....

day 44

weigh in: 267.0

i attempted to do a liquid fast, i got some light chocolate soy milk and orange and mango juice.

i stupidly told the ex i'd hang with him.

it was awful, he made me feel guilty the whole time i was with him.

when i was out i had to pick something up at a gas station to consume. [reduced fat chocolate milk, had bout half] even though i was liquid fasting it felt like i was doing more damage with liquid calories than i would with solid..i dunno. i mentioned to rachel i really wanted crackers and she said to go ahead because we were going to do another liquid fast together the next day. so i went ahead..oie.

day 45

weigh in: 267.0

so, day two of my attempted liquid fast, i had about 150 cals in soy milk before i went out.

i drove up to the city. just being there made me realize my first step as a single girl needs to be moving back. the city is my home...i need to go back.

i went to the beach and just walked around looking for sea glass, something rachel said she wanted. after about an hour i started to feel very very ill, like to the point that i felt like i was going to collapse and or puke...which is always fun.

i met up with a friend, which made it kind of hard to cover so i had some chinese...that stuff, seriously just looking at it makes me gain 5 lbs...whatever. i had about 1/2-2/3rds a small container of fried rice and a scoop or about 1/4 of a small container of mushroom chicken.

we later went to a movie where she forced some weird licorice on me..whatever i didn't eat anything else for the day and felt like such a failure, even though rachel said i was being silly..i dunno.

the ex called me wanting to spend the night at my place. i SO didn't want to deal with him, so, after much guilting he eventually got off the phone.

he also had the audacity to leave a rose for me at my apartment when i got home. it made me feel really bad. i later find out he was scamming on girls that night and tried to get laid but had "no play" ...am i supposed to feel sympathy for this? why the hell are u telling me this if u spend 95% of our time together making me feel like ass or begging me to take you back? wtf?

i threw the rose out.

he is only making me stronger.

day 46

weigh in: 267.0

3 days straight, weird huh? i thought my scale was broken so i got some weights and stood on the scale with them and my weight went up. i also got back on without them and was still 267.0 anyone else think that's weird?

i officially have three goals in life for the time being:

1. not loose my shit and go back to him
2. move to the city
3. get down below 250 [it was the weight i was when we got together and i need the emotional purge of the loss of the added weight]

i WILL do this. my hope is in two months these will be realities. wish me luck.

oh and btw, non ex boys are stupid too. whatever, fuck em.

2 comments:

  1. YOU CAN DO IT! Don't worry about the weekend, you'll get back on track! WE CAN DO THIS!!!!

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  2. *Laughs self silly at your Ex* LOOOOOOOOOO-SEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR!!! God he's a dumbass! I'm so glad you cut yourself free of him! :D

    <3

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