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i'm a 25 year old california girl who, like most of us, is perpetually in transition.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

what were you thinking?!??? [66]

day 66

weigh in: 255.5

cantaloupe 70
rice 400
broccoli and cheese 150
shot of whiskey 140?

day 67

weigh in: 255.3

i need a new scale i had to climb on and off the scale like 8 times with weights to get this number. first it sad 255.5, then 255.1 then 255.3 and 255.3 again so i went with it. i'm willing to put down some decent money if it's a quality piece.. anyone have any good suggestions?

i split the rice packet in two and am having it for breakfast and lunch, as it was really too much for one meal..but once i have an open packet i feel the need to finish it. i'm about half way through my 1/2 section and i'm feeling mostly full. which is awesome.

mmm... broccoli and cheese for dinner...

god i could eat that shit all day every day. i probably should. if i had one for breakfast lunch and dinner i'd only be consuming 450 cals.. that's really not so bad... it'd be 100 cals less than i'll consume today... hmm..

perhaps new diet plan coated in cheese?

in the words of a true food addict:
omg.. liz knows some of this, cause i texted her while it was happening.. but oh dear christ, was last night bad. [it ended well don't worry!]

so.. more chats to ted, if you recall from previous posts, he's 55.

i have really been too forward with him.

he convinces me to have coffee [tea in my case] at the same starbucks with him and text from across the room because i'm too chicken shit to actually talk to him.

so i drive there, and i catch a glimpse of him as i pull in.. i already know, just by his posture, i don't want to do this. [i don't know if this is just me, but i can just see how someone moves and get a sense of them.. maybe i'm insane, maybe i just notice body movement because i'm an artist.. who knows]

so i text him while still in my car, and i can see him in my rear view mirror.

apparently he's spotted me... great.. he asks if he should come over, i tell him, no, please stay where you are...

we text from about 20 feet away and he gets up to go to the bathroom. [totally a ploy, i knew it, but you can't tell someone not to use the bathroom.. that's just mean, what if he actually had to go?] when he gets back he circles around my car and climbs inside.

my heart is beating out of my chest at this point. i can't even look him in the eyes i'm so mortified. he puts a hand on my arm and that's it. i shrink away immediately and he asks if i want him to get out of the car..i say yes, he half gets out, then decides no, he should try again. i ask him to leave and eventually he does.

we texts from the insides of our cars for another 10-15 min while i frantically texts liz and two guy friends... [i apologize if i made no sense.. i was seriously twitching from adrenaline at that point]

he asks to take me to dinner. i say to him, seriously? you want to take the chick with an ED to dinner? he suggests a diet coke, i say no, he suggests a cherry [wtf??] i say no, he eventually bows out and drives off...

i'm still so skeeved out i can't go home. so i ask my guy friends to get a drink with me, i eventually convince the one to come out with me and let me buy him a drink... just because i can't go home without some liquor in me..and preferably some mental images that don't involve ted. [the friend i met up with informed me later he intended to not let me pay, cause he's a dork like that, but he forgot his wallet and was most of the way to the bar when he realized]

unfortunately i had to wait about an hour before he would be around. s'all good, i just didn't want to go home.

i drove around with the radio blasting. ted texts me while im driving.. and continues to hit on me...


did you really think that went well?

he informs me he could see up my skirt while approaching the car... great.. flashing old men..."nice pussy, clean shaven, lovely folds" egads, why don't i wear underwear?? [because they cut into me in an unflattering way.. and i was under the impression i didn't FLASH PEOPLE] he went on and on...

i suggest we "be friends", he asks if i'm ok with having a friend that wants to fuck me. i inform him i have several... which is true lol.

he tells me that next time we meet he'll get me drunk so i'll be pliable and do the things we talked about... i inform him that's textbook rape.. he doesn't seem phased.. [admittedly we did talk about consensual rape.. cause well i think being forced is hot.. [so long as u actually want the guy before hand!!!!]]

dear christ.. that was awful.

so eventually i meet up with my friend, which was great. he is the only guy i've met off cl that didn't try to fuck me... though i kinda wish he would.. tehe. i had a crush on him when i first started talking to him.. that is... [mostly] gone.

he hugged me upon meeting and when we said goodbye which was nice to get physical contact that didn't make my skin crawl. we talk for awhile about music, films, his date he had with a chick over the weekend.. and my TERRIBLE night... it was really nice, i drove him home [like 4 blocks away] and then went home myself.. thinking of how cute he was.

i am so not aloud to form another crush on that boy.

he's been very sweet and understanding in my time of complete insanity post-break up.

anyhow.. that was my night.. i may be scarred for life..

i think i need a few dates to get the bad taste out of my mouth..
liz: i already responded to you via text but i thought i should write you anyway. i'm glad u like my sex posts.. they are usually what haunts my mind.. aside from my HUGE ASS...anyhow.. love! [i'll send that diet plan to you now]
peridot: bouncers are so my thing.. i was once protected by one from an insanely skeezy guy.. the bouncer could have had me right there if he'd wanted to, i would have loved it.

motorcycle would work too.. i just wanna go really fast and hear the revving of an engine. mm..


  1. Re: Whiskey cals- it depends on the brand and how much you had.

    OMFG TED IS A FUCKING CREEPY NASTY PERVERT! He is so damn lucky I'm in another country (Or am I? If you're in NZ I'll bash him for you SO HARD!!!)

    Soooo fucking livid right now! I'm gonna make bread voodoo dolls and feed them to the ducks. Growl.

    Have a good day, stay CLEAR of the asshole, ok?

  2. Wow, that sounds like it was crazy... I'm sorry it turned out so horribly :( I wish I'd been next to my phone when you were texting during it!! Grr...

    I would seriously kick his ass for you if I were in Cali right now. Seriously. And I'm not a violent person, but people messing with my friends does not fly with me.

    Thanks for all your support babe :)