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i'm a 25 year old california girl who, like most of us, is perpetually in transition.

Friday, August 13, 2010

[81-83]

day 81 252.0
day 82 252.9
day 83 252.6
day 84 253.5

i ate like a cow yesterday, seriously could not stop eating to save my life. i dunno why. i bought some sandwiches from the store after work [this doesn't include my breakfast or lunch] and i ate all 3 plus a large container of broccoli salad... the fuck? how did i only gain .9 lbs?? i figured from sheer volume i would have gained 3 lbs.

i'm kind of in a place where i want to go back to a 1200 cal plan.

i want to loose more, NOW.. but part of me is thinking going so low isn't helping me.

i really want to be at least 10 lbs lighter before i see warren again. i want him to be able to see a difference. i want him to tell me im skinny, that i'm beautiful... though he thinks i'm beautiful now. silly man..... lol it's semi adorable coming out of him though.

i'm going out with a [female] friend tonight, i don't know what i'll have to consume to appear normal. my parents saturday. sunday i'm by myself for now, though a different guy wants to take me on a date. i haven't decided if i'm into him. hes a nice guy.. but when we talk on the phone it's filled with awkward silences. i think we're going to have to screen more, which i know he wont like.

whatever, who cares? it's all about warren anyhow. lol... sort of.

i told ted i loved him yesterday.

i'm so deranged.

he makes me feel so intensely.

if he wasn't fucking half the women he comes in contact with, and was 10 years younger... id be completely gone on him.

helpless.

i don't know if that fact is good or bad.
i'm repulsed by him physically, but i feel so deeply mentally connected to him.

am i really so shallow as to reject a body that holds a soul that resonates with mine?
apparently, yes.

yay for confusion and odd feelings....
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liz: thank you my darling, i know you mean well, but it wouldn't have worked in that situation, my phone was on my nightstand, he would have known if i had ran off with it.

it's alright, i'm mostly over it now. i'd even consider going on another date with him if he asked... though mostly i'd be tempted to say something akin to, "yeah, sorry *****, i don't really feel like being your booty call, but thanks for thinking of me." complete with plastic smile.
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peridot: tehe, i heart you peri. you always make me giggle.
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ana always there: aww, you are too sweet! i'm totally the same way, i refuse to comment on someone's life until i know them. it just seems presumptuous, you know?

2 comments:

  1. Yes, it makes me feel like I just hopped into the middle of a conversation without a clue of what it really means. Ah boys, can't live with them can't live without them. I admire your perseverance in the matter however, I swear if it were possible to flip a switch and like girls I totally would, much less complicated.

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  2. Well, just know for next time, if it should ever occur :)

    I hope you have a ton of fun with your friend tonight! Try to not obsess about the food too much, and just enjoy yourself. You deserve it!

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