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i'm a 25 year old california girl who, like most of us, is perpetually in transition.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

sane[ish] [105-108]

day 105 255.3
day 106 254.9
day 107 255.0
day 108 255.3
day 109 255.5

so basically i ended up where i started. which is fine, i suppose. sunday was a binge-tack-u-lar day. monday turned out to be fairly easy as she didn't eat till dinner and we went to a pizza joint where i had a salad. so, hopefully after another week or two without binge-inducing influences ill be back in the 40's.

i dunno, i go back and forth as far as eating habits go. sometimes its like, why bother? and other times it's just like... who cares about food at all? maybe i'm just in a weird head space right now. i'm missing having a boyfriend, someone to love. probably putting me in the wrong place mentally.
things are mostly going fine with ted. we've kind of resigned ourselves to the situation, and it's working for us, for the time being. we are still flirting too much, but he knows i can't meet him, and he accepts it. even supports me when other boys call.

i still don't get it.

other boys have been calling, even sweet ones. but i don't how i feel about the situation. i find myself not wanting to really put myself out there emotionally.

i'll flirt, i'll laugh, but i can feel myself not allowing myself to really like them.

who knows, maybe i'm just in it too deep to really see the situation for what it is.

there's a new date on the horizon. he wanted to meet for drinks last night, i suggested a phone call, we talked for a few hours. it makes me sad that i'm not giddy, i should be over a new boy. oh well, we'll see. maybe he'll sweep me off my feet.

i feel like a lame dateless ana...

who is addicted to comments, and is sad when she doesn't receive any. [LAME!]

maybe im getting my period, it's about time.

good luck my lovies.

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