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i'm a 25 year old california girl who, like most of us, is perpetually in transition.

Monday, February 28, 2011

got a bf and a good feeling

so, a lot has happened between here and the last time i posted. max did confess he doesnt like the way his roommate looks at me sometimes, so at least i got confirmation. i kind of get the impression max said something to him as he seems to be kind of keeping his distance... which is sucky.. and kinda fair. i think as the relationship progresses max will become more comfortable seeing me in front of other men. though, its a good thing he doesnt see me with some of the other guys i know.. damn they arent subtle.. and those guys actively do want me.. not just per-maybe-haps.

i spent most of the weekend with him and it was really nice minus a minor fight we had over a misunderstanding that prompted a talk about his "lifestyle" that continued into today. we came out other end of the conversation in a relationship, and oddly... i feel pretty good about it. im not worried about the boys i dont get to have because im with max... mostly im just worried about things that are ridiculous to worry about with a guy ive only been seeing two months... but little miss compulsive cant just let things go, she sees into the future and picks apart the present.

i worry about things like hes a pack a day smoker.. his drinking.. his using... things like his room is always a mess even after we clean it... and the fact that he didnt go to college so hope of beyond minimum wage jobs and a comfortable lifestyle in the future is unlikely. the compulsive in me fights the way i feel.. but maybe i should just enjoy the beauty of today, and ignore the impending doom of tomorrow.

durring the talk i told him i felt like a hypocrite for hiding things from him so i told him my secrets and also about ana. it feels kinda nice, though also weird. i guess we'll see what happens the next time i eat in front of him. will he be watching now? he says i eat healthy.. which is true in part. what i do end up eating is generally healthy [minus binges] it's what i dont eat that causes problems. he says he will support me in any way he can... which is all he really can do.. which is all i really want from him.

so, in short: i have a bf.. and im feeling good :)

*note: i bought an adorable little mr coffee and am now experimenting in meal replacement with coffee. also trying to find ways to doctor it in low cal ways that dont involve excessive use of equal. wish me luck.

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