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i'm a 25 year old california girl who, like most of us, is perpetually in transition.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

the desire for something frivolous

so, since today is the first, i finally weighed myself ..and im up .2 lbs. there was binging while i was gone and yesterday was the first day of my period.. so im not really surprised.. honestly, im just thankful to not have broken 260.

though it may not seem as such to the outside observer.. i seem to be getting a hold of myself slowly but surly.. its something in my mindset.. a slow change from insanity to calm collected and methodical.. and in the spirt of new plans, ive decided to take a new approach to weight loss.

im saving money for sf.. [so therefore im poor as everything is getting saved instead] BUT! im still a girl, and i like pretty things... sooooooo.. for every day i expend under 1200 cals i get 10 dollars towards something frivolous. [i also get one night a week of "calorie free drinking"]

i probably would have spent said 10 dollars on food anyway if i surpassed 1200 cals.. so really its not cutting much into my savings.

today is a somewhat iffy day since i had coffee this morning for breakfast as a test run for meal replacement and im not 100% sure how much creamer got put into it [and therefore calories] but ither way im within 100 cals of 1200 and since its day one of the new program.. as incentive to get my shit together.. ive decided to wave the day and call it my first 10 dollars.

ive had a couple of 1200 days prior to this and it wasnt a problem... so i think this is totally realistic. mostly ive been eating as little as possible during the day and then having a crave type food for dinner [primarily lasagna lately] to avoid binges from lack of fulfillment.

i got to that weak dizzy place at work today, and it was lovely.. i love that kind of drunk feeling you get from not eating... is that terrible? kind of a weird thing to enjoy... i dunno. maybe im crazy.

wish me luck and pretty things :)

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