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i'm a 25 year old california girl who, like most of us, is perpetually in transition.

Thursday, March 31, 2011


i had a few more otter pops last night, definitely stayed under 1200 though. 975 today. oddly i dont so much care about it today. i feel fat but thats pretty fair considering my weight.

its been raining a lot in california lately, over the last couple of days the sun has come out and its started to smell like summer...

summer for me always makes me think of change and the past. since i was going to college, my world kind of revolved around the school year and summer break. mostly i moved every summer and had continued that with apartments after college. now it feels like i need more change.. i need to move back to my city... and i probably need to dump max.

guy#3 is goring into my brain.. but thats not why.

part of me thinks i should stay with max for the next month just to prove a point to myself..

the other part of me realizes that if im unhappy i need to make changes to be happy.

its kind of how things were with the ex before i broke up with him, i was unhappy but i wasnt unhappy enough to end something i thought id miss. i think ill miss max.. and it seems stupid to leave that especially when i have no intention of dating anyone else, regardless of crushes.

how can i be with someone when i cant be with myself? i need to fix me first... but i keep getting distracted by cute boys.

max isnt cutting it. im unsatisfied.

i want to be fulfilled.

i need to start with me.

i have given max an uninformed and unofficial weekend to prove to me that i want to be with him... which means, although i havent told him about this, and i dont know if ill really go through with it regardless, hes got this weekend to change my mind in order to keep me.

im not on an emotional bender anymore.. so maybe ill have my head on a little straighter after this weekend.

we'll see.

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