i didnt weigh myself this morning, partly because i didnt want to, and partly because i forgot to do it before i ate.
i suspect i went up.
i had a lovely weekend where i didnt think about food..
which generally means i go up because im not focusing on what should be going in my mouth.
though to be fair, it also means no binging because im not filled with the panic that sometimes comes along with restriction.
im not really sure what to do with myself at this point.
im tired of being this way. very especially over 280, as it seems that that is the turning point of where my movement starts to be hindered.
i almost exclusively wear a slip or nothing in bed, this morning after dropping max off, i was sitting there watching sailor moon [you heard it, i like sailor moon, and am not ashamed lol] and i couldnt get over how fat i was. i was in disbelief, almost. i mean, i always knew i was ginormous.. but not to this extent.. it just sometimes sneaks up on you i suppose.
i cant decide if its good or bad that i havent been self conscious enough to notice it sooner.
yesterday was beautiful.. today seems so.. void is the best word i can think of... not sure..
i feel lost and confused. not sure where to start.